Vulnerable Monkey Business!
How Funky Emotions can Open a Door to Deeper Soul Evolution 💗
Welcome to Flourishing Friday. As you share your authentic self in a public space, the Monkeys of Fear may join you, too. Today’s 5-minute creative practice explores the deeper desires behind difficult emotions. (A willingness to turn inward led me to sing my Heart’s song in this video post). Want more courage to feel and express your truth? Please subscribe.
A few weeks ago, portions of my graphic novel, “Meet Your Monkeys,” was featured in ’s Create Me Free publication. Her focus on Art and Mental Health is close to my heart, so it felt great to contribute to this beautiful series.
Some of my art reveals a bit of traumatic history. The intention of ‘Heart, Soul and Monkeys’ is to invite you to work skillfully with your own Monkeys of Fear, so you can show up for your Heart’s Desire with courage and joy. So I gotta show up fully, too! Any social risk can activate my Monkeys. 🙈 Welcome, Vulnerability Hangover1.
Here’s the post. Click ‘Read More’ to see the visual interview.
This interview is beautiful. I’m so grateful.
Still, the day after it appeared, a Monkey (#innerchild) grabbed me by the throat. I hoped to connect with new folks who resonate with my work, and to grow a following. Turns out Mr. Rejection Monkey had some Great Expectations around numbers.
How many likes? YIKES. To be honest, folks left some lovely comments. But this little Monkey could only see the lack. He feels Crickets. Silence. The Void.
Mr. Rejection Monkey whispers lies:
Nobody cares. Nobody was inspired. If they did, more people would follow or subscribe. You spilled your guts without a reward! Once again, you pour your heart out and it’s too weird, unrelateable. WHY EVEN BOTHER?!
Rejection Monkeys activate some Dark-night-of-the-Soul beliefs. He says my message isn't valuable. That despite many soul-based, girl-boss entrepreneurial trainings (another story) and social media experiments, very few peeps seem to click with (or on) my work. Am I too old? My vulnerability is too cringe-y? No matter how hard I work, will it always feel like a failure?
The poisonous effects of Social Media comparisons are well known. If you’re not successful in reaching a certain threshold of likes, comments, shares, etc., it can feel like abandonment. You’re left holding a very empty bag of unworthiness, even if it’s utterly false. The fear of not belonging, of being cast out, is deeply rooted in survival instincts (and ironically appears in “Meet Your Monkeys.”)
Despite self-care practices, my initial Vulnerability Hangover led to a funk. Which forced me into deeper reflection, that led to these takeaways:
My job is to show up for what my Heart loves, with all my heart. I can create and share work designed to serve you, but how you respond is beyond my control.
Cultivate trust. Trust the inner knowing that you, dear reader, can relate. And that any who arrive here are the ones who need this medicine. You’re willing to go deep and be playful. I adore connecting with you!
Unhook from Judgment and Praise, as Tara Mohr taught us in her “Playing Big” coaching program. Although the desire to be seen is natural, any human’s worth lies beyond both.
In Capitalism, more followers means more value. Popularity is bankable social proof that opens doors (collaborators, agents, publishers, producers, ad revenue). While my Heart trusts the value of this work, becoming popular is another ball game.
SO if we gotta play a numbers game, can it be fun? How to gamify making connections I long for? May I explore new ways of learning with, and from, you.
Don’t give up. My Heart’s desire is to meet you here, on the voyage to self-compassion and full expression. I’m all in, with all of my heart.
My Soul says: Such blessings in these nuggets! A deepening trust of Heart and Soul. The true allies in any dance with fear-based Monkeys.
Magnifying Glass: How can my emotions be helpful?
May this practice invite you to find the secret gifts hiding under difficult emotions. Follow along in this video, featuring my ridiculous alter-ego Queen Poopicina sharing the potty-mouth, ‘Holy Sh*t’ version of these tools. Or read the prompts below. Enjoy!
Today’s Tool Magnifying Glass: How can my emotions be helpful?
BREATHE. Ask yourself: “How am I doing? Is there anything in the way of my wellbeing?”
ALLOW sensations and feelings to arise, until the most pressing one emerges.
IMAGINE a magnifying glass focusing on that one feeling. Be open and curious.
NOTICE where the feeling lives in your body. Does it have a shape, color, size, weight, or sound? Does it remind you of anything?
BE present with the feeling. Does it have a name, or keyword? Let it be without judging it. Ask: “What is needed now is...”
ALLOW time. Appreciate whatever comes.
Make it Real: Treat emotions like messengers
EXPLORE: Share the feeling with a friend or journal.
CREATE: Using movement, sound, or art, explore any images or messages that arose.
MANIFEST: At least 3 times this week, get curious and respond to your emotions. Acting on your insights increases your emotional resilience.
Thank you for the willingness to dig into some funky feels. 💝 This tool is based on a practice called Focusing. It’s part of my deck, “HeartsQuest: Creative Tools to Navigate Change,” available at HeartsQuest.com/store. When you drop a heart, 💗 comment, or share with peeps who may be feeling vulnerable right now, you help more of us become braver in a world running on fear. Thank you!
More to come,
NOTE: The content provided in Mostly Brave is for informational purposes only and is not intended to substitute for professional mental health counseling.
A vulnerability hangover is the sense of shame and fear after taking an emotional risk. Researcher and storyteller Dr. Brené Brown, who is known for her groundbreaking work on vulnerability and connection, is said to have coined the term.
Yes, but what if we really are no good?
I'm so far out at the end of some limb, like declaring I'm the only public person looking for 'a revolution,' that I may crash any day. My salvation has been a few avatars over the years who have embraced me. (Brian Swimme is my current lifeline.) They've encouraged my thinking that I'm not off the rails in a society that's crashing all over the place.
So, here I am, maybe too far out, with a mission (another story) to do something that matters, and at the tail end of this lifespan. That's a grabber. So, idiot or genius, I'm full blast ahead, whether anybody Likes me or not.
Thank you so very much for this post with its vulnerability and insight and truth. I love the deeper reflection that came out of it for you. I was very moved by your interview and have returned to it multiple times myself.
As part of my own self-care practice, I don't typically look at the numbers much ... I do some basic data gathering every few months just to get a sense of things but I operate mostly on the idea that it's my job to put the work out there and it will do what it's meant to do, find who it is meant to find, and I move to the next thing, because what I'm aiming to do is create a big body of work related to this important topic and so the specific numbers on one thing don't matter so much.
Just in case it's helpful for anyone else, when my monkeys around the lack of importance of my own work show up, I consistently reach for these things:
1. My favorite Martha Graham quote: "“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."
2. My "brag book" - a collection of things I'm proud of - articles I've written, emails and notes I've received - these aren't the "award winners" or the big deal things but the tiny small moments that made my heart swell because I knew right in that moment that the work I was doing was what I was meant to be doing.
3. Imagining a situation far far into the future when I'm no longer here but my entire body of work has been collected and is being studied because I'm one of those artist writers whose work is recognized most posthumously. (Dark? Impossible? Weird? Possibly but it helps.)
With all of that said, what I appreciate most about you sharing this is that it's a reminder to me that my experience of a collaboration isn't the same as the other person's and that something I want to remember to do is to check in with the other person and continue the conversation. Because while the specific single article doesn't matter in the body of work, the specific single human I'm collaborating with always matters more than anything. So, thank you for that reminder.
I know you've already been processing this in the way that's right for you, reached some insights of your own, and still are glad you did the interview. But still, I have a few facts and thoughts to share with your Monkeys ...
1. I reviewed the numbers and I had a really low open rate on that piece and most of the pieces surrounding it, which I am certain has more to do with the timing (December is tooooo busy!!) than anything else. I will be re-sharing it again at a better time this year and I'll be curious to see if the response is different.
2. I shared the piece with a professor in my Visual and Critical Studies program who is so far the smartest teacher I've had in this new program and knows a ridiculous number of awesome resources for seemingly everything but specializes in comic art. She really loved the piece and let me know that ""Graphic medicine," or comics about health-related issues, including mental health, is actually a significant area in contemporary comics." And your work is a really important part of that. Sometimes the ripple effect of who it's reaching isn't visible in the numbers.
3. And speaking of that, your vulnerability inspired someone who was on the fence about doing an interview to do one which will come out in 2024 and was really special to work on.
4. And if your Monkeys haven't read this yet, they might find it helpful: https://createmefree.substack.com/p/mental-health-reasons-i-may-not-read