Welcome, Brave one. When you bravely share your creative voice in a slightly public space (meaning it’s no longer trapped in the small, safe box of your mind or your desk), does your Comparison Monkey show up, hunting for validation? Today’s 5-minute practice is for us (jump to prompts below).
Follow along in the video above, featuring my ridiculous alter-ego Queen Poopicina, her spontaneous song, and the potty-mouth ‘Holy Sh*t’ 💩 version of the tool. Or jump down 💗 to read the HeartsQuest version prompts.
Do you count social approval (likes, etc.), or the lack of response? Do you see others succeed at things you’ve tried (and believe you failed)? Do you wish you had all the Things (attention, money, R-E-S-P-E-C-T) that come with success? You’re not alone.
Humans can’t help but compare ourselves to others.
People constantly evaluate themselves, and others, in domains like attractiveness, wealth, intelligence, and success. According to some studies, as much as 10 percent of our thoughts involve comparisons of some kind. Social comparison theory is the idea that individuals determine their own social and personal worth based on how they stack up against others.1
We’re as hierarchical and status-aware as chimps! Yet humans have free will (or we kid ourselves that we do). We can approach the notion of value differently.
What happens to a tender, creative heart if we don’t perceive our value? We suffer. We tend our wounds with chocolate and red wine (pick your own medicine). We may quit. I regret to my bones all the projects I’ve abandoned because I didn’t get the positive validation I thought I needed to carry on.
In December, I endured a devastating Comparison Monkey attack after a vulnerable guest post. Now I’m more resolved to resist the temptation to measure my work by the numbers of social media likes, etc. so I can share my Brave Voice with less gagging.
Honoring your true worth frees you from a pecking order mindset, so you can keep showing up bravely.
Today’s 5-minute game: The Measuring Stick
The Measuring Stick: How can I appreciate my own value?
BREATHE deeply. Recall a time when you compared yourself to someone else, thinking they were much better (or worse) than you.
IMAGINE a Measuring Stick in your hand. Feel its weight, size, material, color.
VISUALIZE holding the stick up to that person, to measure their value. Do you see a number?
Now, MEASURE yourself. What’s your number? How does it feel, to enumerate human value?
ENVISION the numbers being replaced with qualities you appreciate in yourself or others.
REFLECT when done: “I noticed...”
Make it Real: Avoid measuring people with a stick
EXPLORE: Write or tell someone about your value and how it feels to compare.
CREATE: Finish this sentence: “Another way to see our differences is...” Do any metaphors pop up? Write, draw, or enact it.
MANIFEST: This week, notice how often you measure people’s value. Imagine putting that stick down. Or change the ruler, so that every tick reads “unique,” or another word that lights you up.
🎤 Your turn: Let me know…
Have you bravely shared your true thoughts, writing, or another creative project lately? How did it go?
Have you suffered from comparisons? What end of the stick were you on?
Can you articulate your value, to yourself or others? How does it feel?
Thanks for melting a comparison mindset. 💝 If you find this encouraging, please like, leave a comment, or share with someone who suffers from comparison calamity.
As Brave Creatives, we face the Monkeys of Fear when we share our unique voices. 🙉🙊🙈 I’m grateful to share this brave space with you, so we can befriend our monkeys together. My work has appeared in Time Magazine, feature films and television, newspapers, YA fantasy novels, and on stages. My creative tools are used in therapy offices and bathrooms across the USA 💩 More at HeartsQuest.com.💗
Comparison Monkey Stole Your Sense of Worth?