This hit like an earthquake, complete with waves of aftershocks. First, I hear my oldest daughter's voice. I was the mentally ill mom, retreating to the bath tub when reality became too much to bear. Physically in the house with my kids, but emotionally and mentally gone. Second, I hear my mother, child of a woman with bipolar disorder long before the illness was even diagnosable. Finally, I hear my grandmother. She struggled with a superior yet uneducated intellect trapped inside psychosis.
Generations of women have paid the price of mental illness. Its effects on us and on our children. Your pain resonates throughout this piece. There, in the subtext, between the humor and recalling the mom you lived with.
Thank you for sharing this post. Be prepared for the grief to be nonlinear. Expect the grief for what might have been. It's all in there, waiting to be explored.
I'm so glad I found your Stack. You're a beautiful breath of fresh air.
Dear Colleen, What an incredible honor you've given me, to respond with such vulnerable, heart-and-soul-level truth. So many of us carry a long lineage of Mother wounds. We are not alone. My intuitive sense is that as women, we suffer powerlessness and victimization from patriarchy. Then we take it out on each other, because we are safer. Our daughters will love us even if we are cruel.
Thank you also for speaking of our mental illness, like dark threads that weave us together. It deepens our pain to know this, yet also can open empathy and compassion. We do our best. I truly believe this.
Yes the grief is mainly about the loss of the mother I needed and wanted. It's very non-linear! I'll share more soon...it's a work in progress that reveals so much growth.
Awww Nora 🥰 I always love you. All ways. You are indelibly written in my heart. Thank you for being you. And for reading my work. AND: Happy Birthday. I'm so glad you're in this world
Thank you for sharing about your mother here, all the love, personality and challenges. This is a lovely tribute. Continuing to hold you in the light as you grieve her loss.
I lost my mom to Alzheimer's Disease almost 7 years ago. There are days when I miss her so much, and days when I'm happy she's found peace.
In the beginning, I struggled to understand the disease. And even though my kids would often whisper to me 'mom, there's something wrong with grandma.' I didn't want to admit that I was losing her. I took care of my mom for 6 years then, when things got too hard for me, my sister took over her care. None of it was easy but the end was the worst, when my mom didn't know any of our names or, even where she was.
And now all these years later, my sister's strength and courage has become an inspiration for me.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Rachel. Losing our memories is so, so hard. One of the things Mom said on her deathbed that I could understand was, "I've lost my Self." I'm so glad you and your sister tag-teamed on your mom's support. It's a lovely silver lining. My sisters inspire me, too!
…this too is a miracle…or whatnot…it is wild the way the threads between those who made us and those who made them and so on seed and sow unexpected…sometimes beautiful, a memory, an object, an ideal…sometimes ugly, a memory, an object, an ideal…weaving through understanding, or forgiveness of any flavor, can take lifetimes…brave of you to try doing so in hers…
Well said, once again, Mr. Foote. Yes, such a mystery we humans be. Aren't you from Nebraska, too? One of my dear friends lost her (mean) mom last year; she was also from Lincoln, NE. Something in the water, or?
Thank you, dear Tim 💗💝💖 You've supported us through so much of this intense mother-daughter voyage. I'm smiling at how you spent the first part of our first date with my bald Mom!
Christine,
This hit like an earthquake, complete with waves of aftershocks. First, I hear my oldest daughter's voice. I was the mentally ill mom, retreating to the bath tub when reality became too much to bear. Physically in the house with my kids, but emotionally and mentally gone. Second, I hear my mother, child of a woman with bipolar disorder long before the illness was even diagnosable. Finally, I hear my grandmother. She struggled with a superior yet uneducated intellect trapped inside psychosis.
Generations of women have paid the price of mental illness. Its effects on us and on our children. Your pain resonates throughout this piece. There, in the subtext, between the humor and recalling the mom you lived with.
Thank you for sharing this post. Be prepared for the grief to be nonlinear. Expect the grief for what might have been. It's all in there, waiting to be explored.
I'm so glad I found your Stack. You're a beautiful breath of fresh air.
Dear Colleen, What an incredible honor you've given me, to respond with such vulnerable, heart-and-soul-level truth. So many of us carry a long lineage of Mother wounds. We are not alone. My intuitive sense is that as women, we suffer powerlessness and victimization from patriarchy. Then we take it out on each other, because we are safer. Our daughters will love us even if we are cruel.
Thank you also for speaking of our mental illness, like dark threads that weave us together. It deepens our pain to know this, yet also can open empathy and compassion. We do our best. I truly believe this.
Yes the grief is mainly about the loss of the mother I needed and wanted. It's very non-linear! I'll share more soon...it's a work in progress that reveals so much growth.
Thank you for sharing your heart, More to come,
Christine
LOVED THIS. Sorry I’m so bad at long-distance communication but I love you too! I think you’re doing amazing work in the world.
Awww Nora 🥰 I always love you. All ways. You are indelibly written in my heart. Thank you for being you. And for reading my work. AND: Happy Birthday. I'm so glad you're in this world
Awww thanks Christine. <3 You are indelibly written in my heart too! FORTY NOW WOW.
Thank you for this Christine. I appreciate this clear (and compassionate because it's clear) retelling of your mom's story.
Thank you 🙏🏽 Emily. My business tagline once was “Clarity is Compelling.” I love that you feel it’s compassionate, too 🥰
Ah! Yes, I believe that clarity is a very important expression of compassion:).
Thank you for sharing about your mother here, all the love, personality and challenges. This is a lovely tribute. Continuing to hold you in the light as you grieve her loss.
Thank you so much, Christine. You understand how hard it can be to live up to one's ideals. 🙏🏼 And how suffering traverses generations...
I lost my mom to Alzheimer's Disease almost 7 years ago. There are days when I miss her so much, and days when I'm happy she's found peace.
In the beginning, I struggled to understand the disease. And even though my kids would often whisper to me 'mom, there's something wrong with grandma.' I didn't want to admit that I was losing her. I took care of my mom for 6 years then, when things got too hard for me, my sister took over her care. None of it was easy but the end was the worst, when my mom didn't know any of our names or, even where she was.
And now all these years later, my sister's strength and courage has become an inspiration for me.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Rachel. Losing our memories is so, so hard. One of the things Mom said on her deathbed that I could understand was, "I've lost my Self." I'm so glad you and your sister tag-teamed on your mom's support. It's a lovely silver lining. My sisters inspire me, too!
Well written mix of pain, determination, miracles, love and what not.
Women get the blame
Thx for sharing
I have to sleep
My story is more with my dad or oldest sister
💚🌹💚
Thank you, dear Prajna. We've all got these entangled love stories - I'm probably someone's horror story, too!
Me too and I’m sure you’re a love story for many 🌹
…this too is a miracle…or whatnot…it is wild the way the threads between those who made us and those who made them and so on seed and sow unexpected…sometimes beautiful, a memory, an object, an ideal…sometimes ugly, a memory, an object, an ideal…weaving through understanding, or forgiveness of any flavor, can take lifetimes…brave of you to try doing so in hers…
Well said, once again, Mr. Foote. Yes, such a mystery we humans be. Aren't you from Nebraska, too? One of my dear friends lost her (mean) mom last year; she was also from Lincoln, NE. Something in the water, or?
...the wife is from Sidney...i started up north more in the good old MN...definitely lots in the water (mainly walleye) where I am from...
My hub is from St. Cloud MN, my dad’s ancestors dairy & cheeseheads from MN
Beautiful, loving synopsis of the trek through an intense relationship full of challenges and gifts. Thank you!
Thank you, dear Tim 💗💝💖 You've supported us through so much of this intense mother-daughter voyage. I'm smiling at how you spent the first part of our first date with my bald Mom!