How to Shield your Heart from Judgments

A 5-min. practice to reflect, deflect and stop taking things personally

Hey there, Brave one. We’re here to share our wild, beautiful, true voices with others. But if your heart ever feels pierced by judgments, today’s 5-minute Shield of Protection exercise (below) is for us. But first, a soothing song with our sponsor, Mama Earth:

If you share your truth in public, you step into a cauldron of fire.

Your words could light up the hearts of all who listen. But what if your story is not told as well as you’d like? What if they turn away, bored, unmoved, or even offended by your brave expression?

I took a brave risk last weekend at a memorial for our dear Jussi, who passed in March. It didn’t land well.

I didn’t plan to speak; I loved hearing stories of his generosity and how he’d impacted many lives. Like all of us, he wasn’t perfect, yet few mentioned his troublesome traits. We expect uplifting memories at a memorial. Still, when someone called him an angel, I felt called to speak, off-the-cuff. Brave, or crazy? Brazy.

I’d lovingly called Jussi “Diablo,” (the devil), as he tempted my sweetheart into many manly escapades. Buying a huge TV, manbags, junk food, even guns. Heavy drinking and carrying on. This could have been sweet and funny. But I dug myself a deeper hole.

Brave takeaway: don’t speak when emotionally triggered.

In years of deep conversations, Jussi responded poorly when I shared my insights. He blew me off. Changed the subject. Or got offended. If I said it, he couldn’t hear it. But later he’d pronounce it as a great takeaway from a male YouTuber. Grrrr!

When I shared this at the event, the room went silent. A neon sign! Get off the stage. Instead, I acknowledged it as a ‘me problem’ I wanted to let go of. I said, “I’m gonna leave this shit right here, so please don’t step in it if you come up to share.” 💩Yikes.

Truth: Jussi opened an ancient feminine wound in me of not being heard. A fear that female perceptions, ideas, and voices don’t matter. I inherited this story from my mother and witnessed it in my father; it goes back generations. It hurt when my dear friend couldn’t hear my heart. I took it personally. But it wasn’t about me.

Wonder Woman’s Magic Shield mirrors slings and arrows back to the sender.

If you stir the pot, you’re gonna get judged.

Women commonly experience men who can’t hear them.¹ After the service, several thanked me for being brave enough to express it. But when I thanked Jussi’s daughters for hosting the event, and apologized if sharing my truth was too much, they barely made eye contact. One said chillingly, “Thank you for coming.” Ooof.

In hindsight, a man’s memorial is perhaps NOT the best time to air my unhealed wounds of patriarchy. Ultimately, I wish I’d closed by singing another truth: how love can transcend all the difficulties of our lives.

All creatives experience the sting of judgment. Everyone is not gonna love what we say or create. It’s brave to accept this. Even if your brain knows you can’t control what others think of you, your sensitive soul longs for acceptance and belonging. Thus, a Shield.

Let’s protect our hearts with the shielding power of imagination.

You can’t control how people react, but you can protect yourself from fears of sharing your truth. Like Wonder Woman² and in the myth of Medusa,³ your shield can mirror the judgments of others where they belong: back on them. See you in the comments 💗

COMING WEDNESDAY, OCT 16: As creative souls, we all do better with support. Become a Mostly Brave crew member to join our monthly Brave Creative Ritual for 25% off < click here ($40 /year = $3.75 /month, .87 /week)

Today’s 5-minute exercise: The Shield

From my deck, HeartsQuest: Creative Tools to Navigate Change

May this 5-minute practice offer protection for sensitive souls like us. This video features my ridiculous alter-ego Queen Poopicina sharing the potty-mouth, ‘Holy Sh*t’ 💩 version of the tool, with a spontaneous song. Or follow the steps below.

The Shield: How to deal with others’ opinions of me (or my work)?

NOTE: This is deep inner work. Find a safe space. Call on support as needed.

• BREATHE deeply. RECALL a time when the sting of a comment or judgment pierced your heart.

• VISUALIZE holding a shield that protects your energy. NOTICE its weight, shape, color, material.

• ENVISION this shield lets you hear what others say, but their opinions and judgments bounce off the shield, and reflect back on them.

• IMAGINE a similar comment coming at you now. HOLD the shield near your heart. PICTURE their perceptions as part of them, and their beliefs. Not truth.

• LISTEN carefully to their words. REFLECT them back simply, with deep respect. “I heard you say that...”

• REFLECT when done, “I feel ...”

Creative Prompts to keep opinions in their rightful place

• EXPLORE: Journal or share recent experiences with judgments (in the comments?👇🏽). Include how you judge others, too.

• CREATE: Ask a friend to toss pretend criticisms as you maneuver your shield. Practice reflecting their opinions back to them. Or, draw this as a simple cartoon.

• MANIFEST: This week, notice at least 3 opportunities to use the Shield in daily life. Process other’s opinions as helpful information, not truth (with a capital ‘T’).

🗣️ Your turn: Share your Brave Voice.

• Ever made a brave mess speaking at a memorial? How did you recover?

• Do you get extra prickly when you feel judged?

• Do you ever take things personally, or can you recognize it’s more about them?

Thanks for growing a courageous, resilient heart 💝 If you enjoyed this, please like 💗comment, or share with someone who wants to share her brave voice.

NEXT WEEK try the Soul Scrub, a 5-minute practice to free your true self from perfectionism and other defenses (why not subscribe? 25% off > CLICK HERE).

1. “Mervyn being one of those men who found information harder to take in when that information came from women.” ~ From “The Last Devil to Die,” fourth in the delightful Thursday Murder Club series by Richard Osman.

2. “Wonder Woman’s Shield, Explained,” Collider, April 23, 2023

3. Greek hero Perseus’ magical shield conquers Medusa; her backstory will break your heart.