Healing the Ache of Being You
Got Monkeys of Envy or Despair? 💗 A 5-minute practice to cherish who you are, plus a song for the waters.
Happy Flourishing Friday! We’re here to explore aspects of ourselves (from the dammit! to the divine) so we can express our Brave Creative urges with less fear. Ever plagued by envy, a sense of failure, or unworthiness? Today’s 5-min. practice (below) is for us. Plus, a Salish sunset song:
Ever feel envy for someone who beautifully embodies what you don’t?
Let’s say you find that person, online or in real life, who fulfills a dream that you imagined for yourself. Only you didn’t do that thing, or it didn’t work out for you.
I hope the Monkeys of Self-loathing didn’t show up to remind you that you failed. I hope they didn’t self-talk you into despair with old stories of steaming proof that you may be a pile of sh*t. 💩 It’s horrid to spin around in a toilet created by your own mind.
This week, I discovered a lovely medicine woman on a magical path as a healer and spiritual guide. Her world of ceremonies, sound healing, coaching, and medicine journeys is strikingly similar to my pre-pandemic life. In 2020, the collective result of COVID spun us around like a global tornado. Singing was dangerous. I left much of my sound healing practice behind. But I didn’t properly grieve making that choice.
My heart celebrates all of us who embody our mission, our aliveness, and our true voice in the world. But for little ego-driven Monkeys who feel small and unseen, someone else’s beautiful work can bring up a shitstorm of grief for an Unlived Life:
you’ll never get your shit together. you’ll never be a successful soulpreneur. those boss lady coaches’ books get loved, quoted and celebrated. your projects hang around, shelved. now you’re old with saggy jowels and flabby middle. PS. don’t make videos.
This defeating self-talk, or the Ache of Being Me, is a rare yet familiar spiral that doesn’t reflect the beauty of my actual life. I followed my gut and sang for the waters, coming back to center quickly, so I could listen more deeply.
My Soul showed me the truth: I didn’t 100% embrace the role of ‘healer.’ And I do change course often, which affects my output.1 Back in 2020, I chose to walk the forests. Write screenplays. Create a graphic novel. Care for my elderly mom. Train with Ayahuasca. Heal my marriage. We bought and renovated a hoarder house (a sacred healing cleanse). The restless ghost of the house’s former owner showed me. All that crazy stuff he hoarded? It was the grief of his Unlived Life.2
We can use grief and envy as fuel to motivate ourselves to change.
In The Artist’s Way,3 Julia Cameron says envy is a powerful arrow that points to what we really want. May we grow the ovaries to follow our path. To live our dreams. And to understand and accept our aches and quirks.
Today I bravely began a big, scary rewrite of “Meet Your Monkeys,” my graphic novel to enrich the mental health of young people. My Soul says,
“I trust you I love you Let’s do this.”
May you receive this kind of loving encouragement, too.
Today’s Practice: You’re beautiful. Even, especially, your quirks.
May today’s 5-minute practice bring you back to loving self-compassion. This video features my ridiculous alter-ego Queen Poopicina, who shares the ‘Holy Sh*t’ 💩 version of the tool and a spontaneous song. Or follow the steps below.
The Mirror: How can I see my own beauty?
BREATHE deeply. RECALL a time when you felt unworthy, suffered from low self-esteem, or lacked confidence.
VISUALIZE holding a mirror, with its back to you. Feel its weight, notice its shape, color, and size.
TURN it around. IMAGINE this magic mirror sees you through the eyes of someone who loves you dearly: a kindly grandmother, a child, or a higher power. See yourself how they see you.
NOTICE what they see and love about you. Do they adore the sparkle in your eyes? Your hair color, cheeks, eyebrows, or facial expressions?
REFLECT when done: “In the mirror, I can see…”
Make it Real: Recognize your true beauty
EXPLORE: Write or share about your mirror.
CREATE: Find an actual mirror. Set a timer and observe yourself for 1-3 minutes. Notice so-called flaws and all your beautiful features. Make faces :)
MANIFEST: Each night before bed, look in the mirror with loving kindness and tell your reflection what you see in her. Are you proud of her? Say it!
🗣️ Your turn. Please tell me,
How does it feel to see others doing the things you crave most?
Do you know any hoarders? Ever cleared a hoarder space? My heart is with you.
Have your Monkeys led you to a spiral of envy or old stories? I’m sorry; it happens.
Do you cherish the truth of who you are? How do you relate to your quirks?
Thanks for seeing the beauty of You, quirks and all. 💝 When you click that heart, share with a friend, or comment, you’re helping more souls trust their brave, creative spirit. 🙏🏼💗🙌🏽 I adore hearing from you!
More to come,
As a multi-passionate double Gemini, an Enneagram Seven, and a Manifesting Generator in Human Design, it’s my nature/curse to change gears and hats often. A Mayan shaman said my nawal of EE means I’ll walk many paths, and my job is to gather insights, find the unity, and bring them back to the collective. ✅
Hervey the Hoarder had planned to build a sailboat in the garage of our house. But he collected so many books, tools, and materials that there was no space or time left for boatbuilding. His spirit hung around, unsettled, until I gave him permission to sail into the sunset on the boat of his dreams. See photos from our hoarder house adventure here.
The Artist’s Way is a seminal text for creative unblocking by Julia Cameron. Her wise teachings, practiced by many, truly support becoming more brave and creative. Do it.