Moving with Monkeys
How an inner Monkey tried to stop me from selling our house, a healing Soul conversation, and a 5-minute practice to shine a brave light on your worries
Want to show up and create more beauty for this effed-up world? This is a brave space to explore your Heart’s desires, your Soul’s intuition, and the Monkeys of fear that mess with your mind. Today’s 5-minute practice (jump below) is about melting self-doubt and worry.
Have you moved or gone through big changes lately?
How did you cope with the stress and chaos? With a little (or a lot of) help from red wine and chips, like me?
Backstory: When COVID-19 derailed my work as a singer and sound energy worker, my intuition pointed to a new path in Port Townsend, WA. So we got a cheap-ish hoarder house full of dead rats and literal mountains of trash. 🙌 Yay!
Our Hoarder House, before and after:
After 2+ years of working our butts off, we opted to sell (too cold!) With no plan beyond renting a friend’s log cabin, the future was uncertain. I needed to purge and pack our stuff. But this Monkey climbed all over my brain, slowing me way down:
“You’re making a huge mistake, to sell this place and move to god-knows-where!”
Time for a Soul & Monkey check-in (below). If you hang in for this longish conversation, you’ll get some insights into how to reparent an inner child who doesn’t feel safe.
Christine: Thank you, my soul, my Higher self! Actually, you're not higher. You're in my body, my center, my gut. So grateful you're here.
Soul: You are me. We are we, and we are all together. We are the walrus.
C: Ha! I keep feeling I've made a horrible mistake. A little voice says, "Don’t sell this house! You’re NEVER going to get such a gorgeous view. Don’t leave!"
Soul: Let’s invite this little one to speak.
Monkey: We'll never have a home as beautiful as this! Plus our friends, right up the road. You always think there's something better out there! But this place is good!
Soul: You sound angry and hurt and sad and scared.
Monkey: Yeah. Angry! Why did you make me leave here?
Christine: It’s too cold and windy here. It’s hard to be outside. I love being outdoors.
Soul: What do you love most about life?
Monkey: I want to be safe. I want to know where my home is. I want to curl up in a ball so I'm okay. I don't have to go outside all the time.
C: I'm getting the vibe that she’d be fine living here forever, curling up with a book, sucking a thumb!
Monkey: I just want to read a book and look at the pictures so everything's gonna be okay!
Soul: Of course! Feeling safe and secure, curled up with a blankie, in a storybook with pictures, you don't have to worry about what's happening around you.
Monkey: Yeah, the world is going to hell right now. There's climate change, all these damn storms. We had thunder the other day (thunder is rare in the Pacific Northwest). What the frick is going on? I'm scared. Not just for me. For everybody.
Soul: Oh dear, I hear you! It’s a scary time on planet Earth. Reminds you of scary times when you were small. You didn't know if anybody would be there to take care of you.
Monkey: Yeah. Yeah!
Soul: Okay. So now, you're an adult. 64 years old. Are you okay?
Monkey: Yeah! But we still need each other, people to take care of us! The people around here, our friends, are good people! We’d look after each other. If the shit hits the fan... We know this shit is gonna hit that fuckin' fan!
Soul: You're mad because you don’t want to leave our friends. They’re good people. Hmm, I’m not sure we can solve this right now, but how does it feel to be heard?
Monkey: Pretty good. But you're still going to make me leave. I don't want to.
Soul: Yeah. It's hard. What do you need right now? What would help?
Monkey: Just tell the people who bought the house they can't have it. Just tell them no.
Soul: Oh, sweetie pie, you are precious to me. I adore you.
Monkey: Well, if you really loved me, you wouldn't do this to me.
Soul: Oh, gosh. Your tears are flowing. So real. Okay, let’s pretend. I'll call the buyers, and say, ‘Sorry, we changed our mind.’ They'll say, ‘You owe us $50,000,’ or whatever. How do you feel about that?
Monkey: I don't care. Somebody else can solve that.
Soul: Okay. But we don't have $50,000 to give them.
Monkey: Okay! Dang it! Just. Mad!
Soul: Be as mad as you want. You wanna be mad on a pillow?
Monkey: Well, okay, but really I just want to punch you.
Soul: Oh, and who's the ‘you’ that you want to punch? Is it me? your soul?
Monkey: No, you love us. All is well.
Soul: You know that all is well? You don't sound 100% sure. You don't have to be sure.
Monkey: Okay. Okay. Okay. Whew!
Soul: You sound a little better. Not that I'm trying to fix you, or make you be different.
Monkey: Okay.
Soul: Do you feel loved?
Monkey: Yes.
Soul: Wonderful! Now, please take a few minutes with your blankie and a good book. Sip your tea and look out the window. Love this house like you've never loved a place before. Love it so much that the feeling expands beyond you. Love it with a powerful glow that lights up the neighborhood, reaching anyone who needs kindness, care, or safety. If this is you, darlin’, may you feel comforted, despite fear, worry, or lack of resources. May you be guided to find just what you need. May you feel heard, seen, and loved. Today.
After our chat, the hideous feeling of making a mistake melted. As we said goodbye in our last night in the house, I told our friends how dear they are to us. Big love all ‘round.
Let’s take a mini-journey to shine a light on YOUR worries…
5-minute Practice: The Flashlight of Courage
This video features my ridiculous alter-ego who shares the Holy Sh*t! version, with potty humor and spontaneous songs. (NOTE: Livestreamed in 2020 during the outbreak of the pandemic. The practice steps begin around 1:10.) Or follow the steps below.
The Flashlight of Courage: What am I truly afraid of?
BREATHE deeply, allowing all tensions to melt.
CONSIDER any doubts and worries about the future (freaky sneaky gremlins of Fear) that bring on anxiety, or stop you from living fully.
IMAGINE a Flashlight in your hand. Feel its weight, notice its color and size, on/off button.
SWITCH it on. Choose one fear and shine the light on it. Do you see any more details? NAME it and claim it. “What I’m really afraid of is... ”
LOOK more closely. Could it really happen? If it did happen, how could you deal with it?
REFLECT when done, “Now, I feel ...”
Make it Real: Face your fears as they arise
EXPLORE: Write or tell a dear one about the fears that arose, and what you learned.
CREATE: Imagine your life as a mythic tale. Tell the story of how you‘ve faced your fears up til now.
MANIFEST: Name 3 worries that plague you. What are 3 small yet courageous actions you can take this week to face them? Celebrate each tiny step.
What did you notice in this adventure in self-love, self-care, inner child healing and courageous fear-facing? If it resonates, please reply, comment, share, or subscribe. Thank you!