Dancing with Death
When death draws near, why does my heart do a happy dance? A 5-minute creative practice to discover what living fully means for you.
Hey, I’m Christine. Welcome to this brave space where we explore your Heart’s desires, your Soul’s intuition, and the Monkeys in your mind that block your way. Today’s 5-minute practice invites you to bravely consider your end (jump to prompts).
How do you feel about death?
It’s Day of the Dead, so we can finally talk about it. Here’s how our culture meets this terrifying mystery: “Cheat it! Beat it. Hide it. Deny it.” The wise culture of Mexico celebrates the inevitable end with beauty, laughter, and play — making vibrant, life-affirming rituals to honor and remember our dead.1
As I hit 50, seven friends died of cancer. Way too young. As each made their sacred passage to the unknown, death stole their bodies - and their futures. All the moments, smiles, dreams, and adventures they’d miss! An ache for their unlived lives cracked my heart open, so I heard her whisper, “you don’t have forever, darlin. what really matters?”
Today, as you rekindle the flames of loved ones in your heart, I invite you to take a step further: to embrace the power of death to crystallize what really matters to you (if time is short, jump down to the Tombstone practice below).
A very dear friend is approaching this doorway.
Two years ago, Jussi’s nose began to bleed. A lot. A super rare melanoma lived in his sinus. Blessed with the best cancer treatment in the world, he’s still alive. But so are the tumors, growing in his brain and lungs. 2
He is easy to love. His ex-wife, former girlfriends, friends and family cherish his semi-wicked grin, his Finnish humor, his formerly barrel-chested, big-headed self. As he loses parts of his capacity that make him who he is, our hearts are already breaking. Death sucks! And yet my heart quickens, knowing how death changes us, shakes us out of complacency, and bursts our hearts open with the clarifying power of love. 3
Grief is the great can-opener for the Heart. Some hearts crack open with sorrow, as sharp as a punch to the gut. Some hearts grow ten sizes bigger, to hold others in their pain. Some hearts burn with a love for life itself, the astonishing life force we see in each other’s red-rimmed, sobbing eyes. Like birth, death can reawaken deep connection and awe. The magic of aliveness! It’s there one moment, gone the next.
Death is also insanely unfair. As Karen died, leaving two kids behind, I was so pissed! I sobbed on the ground and beat the earth with my fists. In this flailing and wailing, the mature, loving part of me - my heart - woke me from the slumber of daily demands and distractions. What really matters? As the veil lifted, I could see the insane beauty of life everywhere, in every drop of water clinging to every leaf. Ever since, my own death has been a powerful teacher and ally.
Steve Jobs famously spoke of his daily relationship to his own death:
“Since I was 17, I’ve looked in the mirror every morning and asked: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered... Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important… There is no reason not to follow your heart… Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
That’s why we’re here, Mostly Brave Ones.
Your Heart knows what matters. Your Soul’s intuitions point the way. Your Monkeys are the internalized voices of fear, pride, and expectations that stop and distract you. It’s messy! I need daily practice and skills to sort it. You too?
My morning ritual often includes a dance with my own death. Creating an imaginary skeleton with my hands, I sculpt my skull, then down the vertebra of my spine, tracing the sweeping curves of ribs and pelvis, and the long bones and joints of my arms, legs, and feet that support me. Then we dance — maybe a waltz, or a funky tango.
Death is the best imaginary dance partner ever. She’s exactly my own size. Holding her close, I ask, “What do I need to know this day? I always get the same message. “Live. Live this moment, this day, freely. Be not afraid to LIVE.”
What does living fully mean for you?
Take a mini-journey of imagination to discover your Soul's intuitive guidance. How will you be remembered after you’re gone? This practice is from my deck, “HeartsQuest: Creative Tools to Navigate Change,” and Holy Sh*t! version, available at HeartsQuest.com.
Here’s a video reading of the Holy Sh*t! version of the Tombstone tool (from my video series, “Live from the Loo”.) With lots of love and spontaneous songs.
The Tombstone: How do I want to be remembered?
RECALL a time when life felt empty, or didn’t seem very worthwhile. BREATHE deeply, “ahhh...”
IMAGINE visiting a cemetery. Note details of the surroundings, colors. How does it feel to be there?
EXPLORE the tombstones and read the epitaphs: short phrases that capture the essence of the deceased and how they lived.
ENVISION finding a tombstone with your own name. Notice its shape, size, color.
READ your own epitaph. What does it say?
REFLECT when done. “To see this feels...”
Make it Real: Let the end inform your present
EXPLORE: Write or share about the experience of imagining your impact after you’re gone. Does it clarify what matters most to you today?
CREATE: Make a simple drawing of your tombstone with the epitaph you’d like to have. Hang it nearby.
MANIFEST: If your epitaph rings true or touches your heart, commit to a plan to make it so. If not, get curious about what its message might mean to you.
Thank you for being extra brave to consider your own death! This JEDI-level practice is a powerful way to connect with your heart, soul, and what really matters - despite the Monkeys that try to distract you. I’d love your thoughts on this practice... Please drop a Heart, a comment, or share with someone who’s ready to be more brave.
More to come, darlin!
As Brave Creatives, we face Monkeys of Fear when we share our voices. 🙉🙊🙈 So let’s grow more courage, compassion, and connections here. My work has appeared in Time Magazine, feature films and television, newspapers, YA fantasy novels, and on stages. My creative tools are used in therapy offices and bathrooms across the USA 💩 More at HeartsQuest.com.💗
Writing epitaphs (for others) in verse is a tradition of Dios de los Muertos. From Wikipedia:
Calaveras literarias (lit. "literary skulls") are mocking, light-hearted epitaphs mostly dedicated to friends, classmates, co-workers, or family members (living or dead)
Spoiler alert: Jussi passed away on March 24, 2024.
How Jussi’s death sentence profoundly influenced my life choices.
I absolutely will! I actually sat with the whole concept during some energy work this morning and there was so much richness in it...it was, interestingly enough, full of LIFE!
Such an inspired and inspiring creative force, dear friend. So happy you have launched and I look forward to steeping in your musings and wisdoms here. Many blessings on your new creation! XOXOX