Thank you, Kristin. I look forward to your piece. (My friend reached his expiration date after two months. My "three months to live" experiment expires in a few weeks. So I've got a lot of living to do... or... just breathing in, breathing out.)
Thank you for this 🙏🏽 Maureen. I love the image of you bravely teaching watercolor! And writing your memoir. If it’s more like the passage I read, it will be gorgeous. Following the fun 🙌🏽 living fully.
Sorry for losing your brother; love his focus on enjoying the leaves 🍁
Our dear friend is in his last days. My husband can’t visit due to a severe back injury. It’s hard. And yet, all is ultimately out of our hands. And All is well at the deeper levels- do you agree?
Christine, I'm sorry for your friend's prognosis and for you. 3 months seems so short and now another month has passed since your post. I hope your friend is comfortable and resting well during the transition (if they're at that point.)💔
And here's why this resonated with me. Last year my brother died from brain tumors. He survived need ne months after diagnosis. 💔We, (my siblings), made him as comfortable as possible — sitting in a comfy chair outdoors with blankets, rubbing his hands and feet with lotion. I took him for a haircut (he had about ten hairs on his head) and then got lost afterward looking for a grocery that sold wine. 😂 He was still fairly lucid and knew I was lost, zipping up and down narrow neighborhood streets while GPS tried to recalibrate. Thankfully the trees were full of autumn glory and I said something like, Oh, isn't it a beautiful day for a drive? He didn't buy it. Haha, older brother syndrome.
I'm also living with an incurable cancer. Diagnosed in 2019, two abdominal surgeries later, I'm fully aware that time is flying by way too fast. After my second diagnosis, I traveled to Africa on safari. I’d never been and decided I may not get another chance. Now I'm healthy-ish and grateful to wake up breathing every day. I make the most of each day and remember to listen to my body and rest. I didn't always before — it's hard to jump from a spinning hamster wheel! Interestingly, cancer slowed me down to show me what’s not important.
Creatively, I’m working on two large projects, a solo art exhibition and a memoir. I decided to teach a watercolor course this summer (because I've never done it) and I'm dipping back into a novel I started pre-cancer. My basic rule is this: If I'm not having fun, I'm not doing it! 🔥
Oh gosh, this is such a question. I read Stephen Levine's book after my mum and dad died and I revisit it often. Since losing my parents I approach every day as if it's my last; the experience really changed me, for the better I think.
Thank you, Jacqueline, for this reminder. 🙏🏼 Each day is an opportunity. My Monkeys offer a bit of a challenge to stay present, so it's one baby step forward, one step back, Repeat!
I love your ramble and the clarity of this: “most simple smallest tiny moments of being 100% present with my Dad over a few years caring for him.” And making the most of your Mum’s time - and your friends. Isn’t it lovely to know what matters most? 🥰 Thank you so much for sharing this, Victoria.
Hi Christine, I hear your monkeys. If it's okay, how about we let them play, vent everything out in this safe space, and let them dance to tire them out? You've written a beautiful piece that feels like my own early grief of watching my Dad decline fast in hiccups of crises.
I'm so sorry about your friend's prognosis. When we face death I think it's natural to reflect on our mortality and how fragile life is.
Early grief IS real, and I wonder if it's worse because of the loss of cognition of your friend.
I say all this because I've lived/live the paradoxes - the bitter-sweet, the joy-tragedy, piercing pain & peeing-pants laughter, and each of these events was in the most simple smallest tiny moments of being 100% present with my Dad over a few years caring for him. I made one big choice to resign from work, but from then on the path was led by Dad's needs.
The hardest thing for me is not to miss special small moments and mark them in my memory ...and calling the moment out like an achievement and re-explaining what just happened to Dad (he had some cognitive issues due to vascular dementia). So we made photos, we made Christmas extra special...and sometimes we just sat with him reminiscing... I'm not sure if I'm making articulate sense here.
I'm already making the choices because there was an inevitability with Dad (he passed in 2020), and we don't know but hope with Mum now given her cancer. (On a practical note, e.g. I always have accounts, my Will etc, up to date).
I'm not thinking about my mortality or what I'd do because we're already making the most of Mum's time - but this IS what I'd do for myself if I had limited time left because I'm prioritising my time to Mum, myself, my mentees and other carers who I know (- oh and including my Substack website mission, of course!) Plus, it's impt that I get to see my closest friends to make the most of the small bubbles of time we have together. ummm so I'm already walking my chosen path... hence why I think I was pulled to respond. . Sorry if this is a bit garbled, but I think I used up my articulate energy today! Given the last 8 years, I'm very human-connection focused (but I did enough travelling etc, before anyhow, with 18 relocations and 10 countries!!). May I call that a non-response - ramble?
Such a Beautiful ramble, Victoria! I newbie-replied to your comment in the main thread below: I love the clarity of this: “most simple smallest tiny moments of being 100% present with my Dad over a few years caring for him.” And making the most of your Mum’s time - and your friends. Isn’t it lovely to know what matters most? 🥰 Thank you so much for sharing this, Victoria.
This is a really lovely opening up of your soul Christine, thank you for your soul giving. When I call in the Presence of Source Energy to fill all my cells with warm loving energy I am guided to the best course of action or no action. Sitting with it. Every moment is the last moment in some ways. Creative, talented people like you, always have to face busy, monkey minds. I really admire and am inspired by your productivity, passion and sensitivity. Some of our greatest teachers would tell us "there is no death" that we are eternal and the shedding of our bodies is not the end. I believe that. I think I know who you're talking about and he's been on my mind a lot too and his family. LOVE to you.
Thank you for seeing me, Rose 🌹 it means so much. “Creative, talented people like you, always have to face busy, monkey minds...” how true. And my Soul would choose it again. Thank you for This gift, and for caring for our friend.
Holy moly, this is beautiful Christine. Thank you for your words and reflections. This reminds me of a meditation practice called momento mori--remembering that any moment could be our last.
I, too, spend my days imagining there is limited time left. The paradox is that when I make a choice of which burner on the stove to leave on, the choice is clear--the pot that holds the most meaning.
Ahh.. thank you Jackie! 🥰 yes, the pots may keep shifting... and may they be filled with a rich nourishing simple coconut soup of meaning. Paradoxes be ok 👍🏼
First and foremost, I’m so sorry. I’ve also recently received similar news of a friend- same prognosis- and it’s been a whirlwind of emotions.
This piece is so beautiful. I’ve found myself wondering the same thing-- what would I do with those 3 months. And the truth is, it would depend on so many things. I *hope* that if I was terribly unwell that I would find peace in resting and not drown in the regrets of everything I didn’t get to do.
If I was still well enough, I’d go to the places that have touched my soul and spend time with people who have done the same. I think I would want to do my best to get my loved ones as close to ok with my passing as possible, since they’re the ones that must go on (here).
I've been through this. As often happens, a documentary film turned my head around. Look for Story Frame 24, coming soon ☺️
Thank you, Kristin. I look forward to your piece. (My friend reached his expiration date after two months. My "three months to live" experiment expires in a few weeks. So I've got a lot of living to do... or... just breathing in, breathing out.)
Oh, I'm so sorry. May I ask, is yours just an experiment or has someone told you that you have an expiration date?
Thank you for this 🙏🏽 Maureen. I love the image of you bravely teaching watercolor! And writing your memoir. If it’s more like the passage I read, it will be gorgeous. Following the fun 🙌🏽 living fully.
Sorry for losing your brother; love his focus on enjoying the leaves 🍁
Our dear friend is in his last days. My husband can’t visit due to a severe back injury. It’s hard. And yet, all is ultimately out of our hands. And All is well at the deeper levels- do you agree?
Christine, I'm sorry for your friend's prognosis and for you. 3 months seems so short and now another month has passed since your post. I hope your friend is comfortable and resting well during the transition (if they're at that point.)💔
And here's why this resonated with me. Last year my brother died from brain tumors. He survived need ne months after diagnosis. 💔We, (my siblings), made him as comfortable as possible — sitting in a comfy chair outdoors with blankets, rubbing his hands and feet with lotion. I took him for a haircut (he had about ten hairs on his head) and then got lost afterward looking for a grocery that sold wine. 😂 He was still fairly lucid and knew I was lost, zipping up and down narrow neighborhood streets while GPS tried to recalibrate. Thankfully the trees were full of autumn glory and I said something like, Oh, isn't it a beautiful day for a drive? He didn't buy it. Haha, older brother syndrome.
I'm also living with an incurable cancer. Diagnosed in 2019, two abdominal surgeries later, I'm fully aware that time is flying by way too fast. After my second diagnosis, I traveled to Africa on safari. I’d never been and decided I may not get another chance. Now I'm healthy-ish and grateful to wake up breathing every day. I make the most of each day and remember to listen to my body and rest. I didn't always before — it's hard to jump from a spinning hamster wheel! Interestingly, cancer slowed me down to show me what’s not important.
Creatively, I’m working on two large projects, a solo art exhibition and a memoir. I decided to teach a watercolor course this summer (because I've never done it) and I'm dipping back into a novel I started pre-cancer. My basic rule is this: If I'm not having fun, I'm not doing it! 🔥
Oh gosh, this is such a question. I read Stephen Levine's book after my mum and dad died and I revisit it often. Since losing my parents I approach every day as if it's my last; the experience really changed me, for the better I think.
Thank you, Jacqueline, for this reminder. 🙏🏼 Each day is an opportunity. My Monkeys offer a bit of a challenge to stay present, so it's one baby step forward, one step back, Repeat!
I love your ramble and the clarity of this: “most simple smallest tiny moments of being 100% present with my Dad over a few years caring for him.” And making the most of your Mum’s time - and your friends. Isn’t it lovely to know what matters most? 🥰 Thank you so much for sharing this, Victoria.
Hi Christine, I hear your monkeys. If it's okay, how about we let them play, vent everything out in this safe space, and let them dance to tire them out? You've written a beautiful piece that feels like my own early grief of watching my Dad decline fast in hiccups of crises.
I'm so sorry about your friend's prognosis. When we face death I think it's natural to reflect on our mortality and how fragile life is.
Early grief IS real, and I wonder if it's worse because of the loss of cognition of your friend.
I say all this because I've lived/live the paradoxes - the bitter-sweet, the joy-tragedy, piercing pain & peeing-pants laughter, and each of these events was in the most simple smallest tiny moments of being 100% present with my Dad over a few years caring for him. I made one big choice to resign from work, but from then on the path was led by Dad's needs.
The hardest thing for me is not to miss special small moments and mark them in my memory ...and calling the moment out like an achievement and re-explaining what just happened to Dad (he had some cognitive issues due to vascular dementia). So we made photos, we made Christmas extra special...and sometimes we just sat with him reminiscing... I'm not sure if I'm making articulate sense here.
I'm already making the choices because there was an inevitability with Dad (he passed in 2020), and we don't know but hope with Mum now given her cancer. (On a practical note, e.g. I always have accounts, my Will etc, up to date).
I'm not thinking about my mortality or what I'd do because we're already making the most of Mum's time - but this IS what I'd do for myself if I had limited time left because I'm prioritising my time to Mum, myself, my mentees and other carers who I know (- oh and including my Substack website mission, of course!) Plus, it's impt that I get to see my closest friends to make the most of the small bubbles of time we have together. ummm so I'm already walking my chosen path... hence why I think I was pulled to respond. . Sorry if this is a bit garbled, but I think I used up my articulate energy today! Given the last 8 years, I'm very human-connection focused (but I did enough travelling etc, before anyhow, with 18 relocations and 10 countries!!). May I call that a non-response - ramble?
Such a Beautiful ramble, Victoria! I newbie-replied to your comment in the main thread below: I love the clarity of this: “most simple smallest tiny moments of being 100% present with my Dad over a few years caring for him.” And making the most of your Mum’s time - and your friends. Isn’t it lovely to know what matters most? 🥰 Thank you so much for sharing this, Victoria.
I like rambling ;-) Thanks, Christine.
This is a really lovely opening up of your soul Christine, thank you for your soul giving. When I call in the Presence of Source Energy to fill all my cells with warm loving energy I am guided to the best course of action or no action. Sitting with it. Every moment is the last moment in some ways. Creative, talented people like you, always have to face busy, monkey minds. I really admire and am inspired by your productivity, passion and sensitivity. Some of our greatest teachers would tell us "there is no death" that we are eternal and the shedding of our bodies is not the end. I believe that. I think I know who you're talking about and he's been on my mind a lot too and his family. LOVE to you.
Thank you for seeing me, Rose 🌹 it means so much. “Creative, talented people like you, always have to face busy, monkey minds...” how true. And my Soul would choose it again. Thank you for This gift, and for caring for our friend.
Holy moly, this is beautiful Christine. Thank you for your words and reflections. This reminds me of a meditation practice called momento mori--remembering that any moment could be our last.
I, too, spend my days imagining there is limited time left. The paradox is that when I make a choice of which burner on the stove to leave on, the choice is clear--the pot that holds the most meaning.
Ahh.. thank you Jackie! 🥰 yes, the pots may keep shifting... and may they be filled with a rich nourishing simple coconut soup of meaning. Paradoxes be ok 👍🏼
Thanks for your conversations with your monkeys.
First and foremost, I’m so sorry. I’ve also recently received similar news of a friend- same prognosis- and it’s been a whirlwind of emotions.
This piece is so beautiful. I’ve found myself wondering the same thing-- what would I do with those 3 months. And the truth is, it would depend on so many things. I *hope* that if I was terribly unwell that I would find peace in resting and not drown in the regrets of everything I didn’t get to do.
If I was still well enough, I’d go to the places that have touched my soul and spend time with people who have done the same. I think I would want to do my best to get my loved ones as close to ok with my passing as possible, since they’re the ones that must go on (here).
Sending you and yours so much love. ❤️
Beautiful! Thank you 🙏🏽 for sharing. May you ride the waves of emotion with big love 💗 and may your friend’s time here be blessed with the same.