Life's Short. Let's Play.
My mom's last words to me, and a 5-min. practice to play like a trickster.
Welcome, Mostly Brave Souls. When emotions run rough, can we change our perception? Shift the experience to be lighter, more free? In today’s 5 minute creative game (jump below) we practice the art of play: so we can roll with whatever energies come our way.
On Tuesday, I saw my mom for the last time. It didn’t go well. 😢
Mom’s in a bed in a well-run, skilled nursing facility. She still recognizes me. I sit close, so I can hear her. Her mouth struggles for words to express her experience. Her hands struggle to clutch her blanket. Her lungs struggle to breathe.
“It hurts,” she says. She moans, “help,” over and over. Can anything be done to help her? We ask the nursing aide in bright purple, who kindly tells Mom, “Hang in there.” We sense that there’s no real help for this. She’s on her way out.
Yikes 😳 How does this story segue to PLAY? Bear with me…
It’s good to show up, despite our years of intense conflict, complex, multigenerational trauma, and her end-of-life process. Dementia. Mental illness. Clearing her hoarder apartment. My mother’s brilliant mind (a TV producer, longtime Zen meditator, and poet) reduced to scrambled brains.
I aim for neutral. To be present with kindness. So we can laugh one more time.
My entire life, my mother entrained me to meet her invisible expectations and perfectionism. As I fail (often), she criticizes me with piercing eyes, body language, and words. Even in our last hours, as I lean in close, she repeats these phrases over and over with a dark scowl:
Don’t push it.
Stop!
Take it easy.
Her words feel cruel. As if my very existence is a problem. Perhaps I remind her of failure. No matter how much displeasure she expresses, it’s NOT ABOUT ME.
Cruelty is common with dementia; people say, ‘don’t take it personally.’ Yet it’s a big inner shift to affirm that it’s her perception of me. Twisted by trauma and dementia.
Still, it effing hurts if your own mother doesn’t love you as you are. (If you have a loving, relaxed relationship with your parents, please do a happy dance 💃🏻 maybe tell them?)
As I write today’s post featuring Play, it seems there’s no way to play with this. It’s too painful. But I toss my grief up in the air to see how it lands. It reminds me of the Trickster archetype. Trickster changes the energy of events through his playful ways of seeing the world. My Soul offers this fresh view:
Your mother believes her messages are a form of love. Yes, it feels twisted. Yes, it’s not ideal. A part of her wants you to grow in wisdom: to relax more, to rest in the moment.
This rings true.
I’m pretty intense (or, as a friend reframed it, I’m potent). My mom’s last words to me, “Take it Easy,” is a pretty good mantra. I’ll never know the insides of her wacky mind. But with the power of play, I feel much, much better.
Wanna play with a tough shit-u-ation? See you in the comments, my friend.
5-minute practice: Bouncy Ball
May this 5-minute practice encourage more playfulness with whatever is going on. This video features my ridiculous alter-ego Queen Poopicina sharing the potty-mouth, ‘Holy Sh*t’ 💩 version of the tool. Or follow the steps below.
Bouncy Ball: How could this moment be more playful?
BREATHE deeply, and let your body soften.
VISUALIZE an imaginary bouncy ball dropping in from nowhere. Notice its size, color, weight.
CATCH it. Play with it. Go with it. Follow it. If you miss, laugh. If you catch it, laugh.
MIX IT UP: Is anyone nearby that you want to play with? Want to toss it over your shoulder? Between your legs? Spin it on your finger? Hide it? If it changes, go for it!
When you’re done, toss the ball back to the universe and REFLECT, “This feels…”
Creative prompts for more play
EXPLORE: Tell someone or journal how it feels to get playful. Is it easy or hard for you?
CREATE: Grab a real ball and toss it around with a friend, a dog, or just you.
MANIFEST: Over the next few days, notice if your energy feels constricted or overworked. Get playful. Spice things up. What happens?
🗣️ Your turn: Playing with life’s rough spots
Know anybody with dementia? I’m so sorry. How do you cope?
Ever tried playfulness to shift a tough Shit-u-ation? How did it go?
Do your parents truly see you? Are they living? Please thank them :)
Thank you for practicing the Way of Play 💝 May this boost your heart’s intentions. When you Like, Comment, or Share with someone else who could use a boost, you help more of us be brave in a world running on Fear. Mostly Brave is Brave enough!
More to come,
Brave Creatives face the Monkeys of Fear when we share our unique voices. 🙉🙊🙈 We’re here to grow our support crew for compassion, courage, and connection. As a multi-passionate elder, my work has appeared in Time Magazine, feature films and television, newspapers, and YA fantasy novels; I wrestled my fears of singing to perform my one-woman musical on West Coast stages. Today’s practice is from HeartsQuest and Holy Sh*T! creative healing decks, used by therapists, oracle lovers, and People who Poo. 💩 More at HeartsQuest.com. 💗
I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. Of course you know the photo touches my heart. As does this post. You are mostly brave - a lot!! Thank you for sharing your self and practices to help navigate shit-u-ations. That's brilliant.
So sorry about your ma. It’s a sorry “shit-uation.” Brilliant.